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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24592582">between the countless stars</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/laehys/pseuds/laehys'>laehys</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aliens, Alternate Universe - Aliens, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Na Jaemin is Whipped, Pretty Huang Ren Jun, Soft Na Jaemin, Time Skips, uhhhh this is mostly jaemin waxing poetry abt renjun oops</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:42:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,952</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24592582</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/laehys/pseuds/laehys</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you believe in aliens?” He asks, and Jaemin’s world turns upside down.</p><p>It all started with a snowstorm and a mysterious boy that raised too many questions. Jaemin was doomed from the very beginning.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>152</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>between the countless stars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>huhhhhh enjoy?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Renjun arrives in the middle of a snowstorm.</p><p>But Jaemin didn’t know that at first, didn’t know who he was. He only saw a fellow student sitting on the cold ground in the middle of the night with no jacket on, even though there’s snow falling around them and the bitter wind is harsh even to Jaemin who is packed tight inside his coat.</p><p>The boy seems kind of dazed and isn’t answering any of Jaemin’s questions, but Jaemin still brings him to his dorm and tries to help. He gives the boy dry clothes, cooks something warm for a late dinner, helps him when his fingers shake and the boy can barely hold the chopsticks.</p><p>Jaemin is rewarded later, after having finished with the dishes and when it’s just about to start drying them, with a raspy whisper of a name carefully handed to him between putting away a plate and grabbing another one from the sink.</p><p><em> Renjun</em>, the boy said, trembling all over from his voice to his body. It feels weird coming out of his mouth, strange in some way, but the entire night has been different.</p><p>“Hey there, Renjun. I’m Jaemin,” he says with a smile.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>There’s something different about him that it’s difficult to pinpoint exactly what it is.</p><p>Renjun looks too wide-eyed, curious about everything around him, and, at the same time, too on edge, shoulders tense and waiting for <em>something</em>.</p><p>He walks forward, fingertips almost brushing against the TV screen before he stops and looks back at Jaemin, waiting for his reaction. Jaemin turns on the television and Renjun is entertained for hours, bundled in Jaemin’s clothes, a fuzzy blanket wrapped around his shoulders.</p><p>Jaemin always liked to help others, sometimes getting to the point of splitting himself apart in pieces so he could reach more people. Renjun isn’t broken or in need of someone to fix him, but he looks lost and it’s entirely too easy for Jaemin to let him stay.</p><p>Renjun doesn’t ask, doesn’t say a single thing, but Jaemin also doesn’t show him to the door nor asks him what he was doing alone in the middle of a snowstorm. Maybe one day Renjun will tell him. Maybe he won’t. It doesn’t matter.</p><p>Jaemin fixes the blanket around Renjun’s shoulders where it was slowly slipping, and Renjun looks away from the animal documentary on the TV to briefly touch Jaemin’s shoulder and then the fuzzy blanket around him. Jaemin just shakes his head and smiles. He isn’t that cold. It’s okay.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jeno, rightly so, is bewildered and confused and apprehensive and kind of freaking out, all at the same time.</p><p>“Are you sure, Jaem?” He asks, fixing Jaemin with an intense look. “You don’t know him, so what makes you think that letting a stranger stay with you is okay? What if he’s dangerous? What if he’s hiding because he did something bad?”</p><p>Jaemin thinks about voicing his thoughts, but he feels shy and like they aren’t that good to persuade Jeno. How can he say that he knows that Renjun isn’t dangerous or might hurt him because he can <em>feel </em>it?</p><p>Yeah, and Jeno is right in a way — it was a reckless thing to bring someone unknown to his place. But it’s been days now that Jaemin has spent by Renjun’s side and he knows that the boy wouldn’t hurt a fly.</p><p>“I have a good feeling,” Jaemin ends up saying. “And besides, nothing bad has happened until now.”</p><p>Jeno sighs. “I don’t like this. I’m your friend and I just want what’s best for you… You know that, right?” Jaemin nods. “I want to talk with some people and see if anyone from the campus recognizes him. Maybe he’s hiding from someone here? Is that okay with you if I do that?”</p><p>“Yeah. If it’ll help you, then it’s okay.”</p><p>“Do you have any pictures of him? Ah, when you go home you can try to sneak and—”</p><p>“I’ll send you one,” Jaemin says quickly.</p><p>He’ll have to scroll through too many pictures that were taken in the little time he knows Renjun, just to choose one for Jeno. It’s not entirely his fault that the gallery is full. He just couldn’t bring himself to stop Renjun when the boy had found out about filters and was testing them all. It was cute.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Renjun is loud but he doesn’t say much. It’s mostly inquisitive noises — he points at something and makes a sound and Jaemin looks and says something. He lets out excited noises and complains in small grumbles, huffing loudly through his nose, and whines lowly on the back of his throat when he’s confused.</p><p>It was weird at first, hard to understand, but Jaemin considers himself almost an expert now; Renjun sends him a look and Jaemin just <em>knows </em>what he wants, what he needs.</p><p>There are a few words that Renjun mumbles through his lips until he gets confident enough to become more talkative. It’s like watching a flower bloom, Jaemin thinks. Not fully opened yet but getting there with each passing day. Jaemin roots for him, celebrates his improvement like they’re his own.</p><p>It’s easy to fall into such a routine. It’s easy for Renjun to make a place for himself into Jaemin’s life, to borrow his own being there, in that little space he created. Jaemin doesn’t stop him.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jeno accosts him one day after class. Maybe Jaemin was slightly avoiding him, fearing that Jeno might bring some news that could break the harmony living inside his dorm room. Maybe not.</p><p>But Jaemin doesn’t say anything about that nor Jeno comments on how most of his texts only get a one-word reply. Jaemin only smiles when he sees Jeno approaching. “Hey, Jen. Want to grab some coffee?”</p><p>“I’m afraid I’ll have to pass,” Jeno says with an easy grin. “I’m meeting with Hyuck soon. I just wanted to let you know that I asked some people around and one of Hyuck’s friends from that International Student’s club also looked into it, but nobody knows him… Renjeon, is it?”</p><p>“Renjun.”</p><p>“<em>Renjun. </em> Yeah... Nobody’s seen him before. Is he still with you? Is everything okay there?”</p><p>“Yes. He’s been talking a lot more lately and… I think you might be right. He has a slight accent, so I don’t think he’s from around here.”</p><p>Jeno sighs deeply and runs one hand through his hair. “Jaem… I know you said he’s okay and unharmful, but what if someone is looking for him? And what if he’s in some kind of danger and needs help from people who can <em>truly </em>help him? I know you’re trying your best, but you’re just a normal student. He might need some help from the police or something and you can’t provide that for him.”</p><p>A beat of silence passes and Jaemin presses his lips tight together. Jeno’s right. Maybe Renjun needs something more than what Jaemin can offer him.</p><p>“I’ll… try to talk with him,” Jaemin sighs. “And I’ll talk with you later when I get some info. I hope this won’t push him away… he’s been talking and opening up so much these days, Jen. I don’t want to make him withdraw into himself.”</p><p>Jeno fixes him a pitied look. “Don’t get too attached to his presence, Jaem. You barely know him, and this will only hurt you in the end.”</p><p>“I know, I know.”</p><p>It’s hard to say that because Jaemin <em>feels </em>like he knows Renjun a lot better than what Jeno might be thinking. He knows how Renjun looks when he barely has woken up, eyes fluttering shut and nose scrunched up as he walks into the kitchen, Jaemin’s pajamas looking oversized on his frame, and his hands hidden underneath the long sleeves as he nudges Jaemin to step aside so he can open the cupboards. </p><p>He knows how to recognize when Renjun is deep in thought, staring out the window, and doesn’t want to be bothered; but he also knows when Renjun is <em>trying </em>to look uninterested but is waiting for Jaemin’s initiative.</p><p>He knows that and he also knows a lot more, but that’s not what Jeno’s talking about and Jaemin <em>understands</em>— Renjun’s last name is unknown, he appeared from nowhere and hasn’t gone away yet, having not divulged anything about his life besides his first name.</p><p>(<em>If that’s even his name</em>, a part of Jaemin’s mind whispers. He doesn’t want to dwell on that.)</p><p>Jeno’s only trying to help while also giving him some space and Jaemin gets it. He’s glad that Jeno is worried about him but also doesn’t force himself or his opinions. If it was the opposite, Jaemin doesn’t know if he would be able to not meddle into the situation.</p><p>“I’ll talk with him,” Jaemin promises.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>The place is empty when Jaemin arrives, but that’s not unusual.</p><p>Renjun’s been going out a lot more since he started talking and after Jaemin brought him on some trips around the neighborhood. He doesn’t know where Renjun goes to, but he won’t force him to stay inside the dorm just because he worries.</p><p>He thinks that Renjun might be going around the campus — saw him once briefly inside the library, but when Jaemin walked back to check out if it was really him, he was already gone. Jaemin didn’t ask later nor Renjun said anything, but he spent that night curled up on the couch with a book Jaemin didn’t own.</p><p>He wanders into the kitchen to start cooking something for them. Renjun’s arrival in his life at least made him start cooking more often, decreasing the amount of take-out he usually ingested.</p><p>There were a lot of changes in so little time. Now he cooks for two without a second thought, already putting one more plate down on the table; his bathroom supplies end a lot faster and he’s been needing to go grocery shopping for everything more often. But the other changes—it’s better for him not to mull on them. It wouldn’t be good for him. Jeno’s right, he’s always right. He shouldn’t get too attached.</p><p>But it’s hard.</p><p>The door opens almost silently, but Jaemin hears the jiggling of keys and he can’t help the smile that forms on his face. He can see the scene clearly on his mind: Renjun holding his keychain tight inside his fist, the little stars he had chosen (instead of the cute dolphin) digging into his palm while he kicks off his (Jaemin’s) shoes.</p><p>One second later and he’s by Jaemin’s side, eyes wide and trying to peer over his shoulder and see what he’s cooking.</p><p>“Hi,” Renjun says softly before looking at Jaemin, honey dripping from his tone, from his gaze.</p><p>“Hi, Renjunnie.”</p><p>That dinner is a quiet one, but it’s not something that bothers Jaemin. Sometimes they talk a lot, talk until the food goes cold, still untouched; sometimes they barely trade words, but Renjun’s gaze is always gentle and Jaemin feels his chest warm.</p><p>How could someone ever look at Renjun and think that he might be dangerous? That he could be plotting something bad? It doesn’t look like something that the boy across from him on the table could ever do.</p><p>Jaemin doesn’t ask him anything that night, doesn’t dare to ruin the comfortable mood between them.</p><p>Instead, he climbs up on the couch next to Renjun. Pulls the fuzzy blanket over them both and lets Renjun choose what to watch next. It’s another documentary — Renjun seems to like them a lot — but Jaemin barely pays attention to what’s happening on the screen, too fixated on Renjun’s warm body next to his, their shoulders touching.</p><p>He turns his head to the side, watches Renjun’s side profile and the bright colors shining on his face, the shadow his eyelashes make on his cheeks, the sloop of his nose. Jaemin doesn’t think he’s staring, but Renjun turns his head slightly and catches his gaze.</p><p>Jaemin’s head snaps to the front, but he doesn’t miss the corner of Renjun’s lips curling up or his movements when he rearranges himself on the couch, their thighs pressing together. Something blooms inside Jaemin’s chest, fluttering wildly, and he can’t help but think of Jeno’s words. <em> It’s too dangerous</em>.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>It’s in the middle of the night when Jaemin wakes up.</p><p>The entire place is bathed in the darkness beside the little kitchen area with the green blinking light from the microwave. <em> 3:57 AM</em>. Though there’s no other source of light besides the moon, it’s enough to show Renjun’s form close to the window, body curled on a chair he had brought from the kitchen.</p><p>Renjun doesn’t say anything as Jaemin walks close to him, his steps echoing inside the room, peering through the window to see what Renjun was looking at. It’s a cold night but there aren’t that many clouds, the moon shining bright in the sky, probably surrounded by thousands of stars they can’t see.</p><p>“Are you watching the moon instead of sleeping?”</p><p>Renjun hums. “Looking… for a sign.”</p><p>“Too many thoughts?”</p><p>Renjun nods, eyes still focused on the dark sky.</p><p>“Thinking about what?” Jaemin asks gently, softly. It could be easy to mistake his voice for the whisper of the wind. He lets Renjun choose what to make out of it. Can’t bring himself to put him on the spot.</p><p>It takes a while before Renjun says anything. He turns away from the window, facing Jaemin, looking for something that Jaemin doesn’t know what it is. He wonders if Renjun can even see what he looks for in that darkness.</p><p>But then Renjun turns back to the window, saying, “Home. Things to do,” he points at the dark sky, leaving a fingerprint on the glass. “It’s so far away, but you look and… It doesn’t feel like it. But it is.”</p><p>“The moon?” Jaemin asks.</p><p>“The moon, the stars, outer space, home. It’s all the same looking from here, isn’t it?”</p><p>Jaemin doesn’t know what to say, so he waits in silence, looking at the empty street below them.</p><p>“In the first two nights I got here I saw some moving lights in the sky. They moved fast and would disappear quickly, but there were always new ones. It was just planes, though.”</p><p>Jaemin smiles gently. “Were you hoping for it to be aliens?” He asks in an easy tone. “It’s hard to see anything at all in the sky because of the city lights. Most of the stars we think we’re seeing are just planes or the reflection of satellites. You can’t see much in the city.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Renjun says sadly.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Renjun is pretty. Maybe too pretty to be real, Jaemin thinks.</p><p>There’s just something about him that Jaemin can’t point his finger at, can’t look and say “Ah. That’s what it is.”. It’s a combination of his mannerisms, how he acts when he thinks that Jaemin isn’t paying attention, how he scrunches up his nose when deep in his thoughts, how he laughs open-mouthed, a deep sound resounding from his chest when Jaemin says something he finds particularly funny. </p><p>And he tries to be that. A lot. </p><p>God, does he try to make Renjun laugh, just so he can see him that happy.</p><p>Renjun’s kind, and he knows when to be gentle, but also knows when to be firm to make his point across. And Jaemin just can’t resist falling, bending himself to Renjun’s every whim, because there’s always a spark in his eyes when he gets something he wanted and Renjun is too enthralling and too pretty and too endearing. Jaemin can’t resist him.</p><p>He knows he shouldn’t harbor these kinds of thoughts about Renjun. He wakes up and tries to convince himself that it’s going to be a different day, he will stop staring at Renjun, stop mapping the way freckles strewn across his shoulder, stop following the movements of his lips when he speaks.</p><p><em> Never again</em>, he thinks over and over as he pads to the small kitchen area, <em> I can’t keep thinking like this. </em></p><p>But it just takes a look. </p><p>Renjun isn’t even sparing him a glance, too engrossed with Jaemin’s phone in his hands, but Jaemin looks at him, the boy swimming in a hoodie too big for his frame, hair all messy and eyes puffy, Jaemin <em>looks </em>at him and it’s the end. He’s helpless to stop the warmth flooding his body, the yearning lodging behind his ribcage, taunting him with every heartbeat of his traitorous heart.</p><p>He can’t do a thing because he has no control left and, maybe, he never did. Maybe it was always meant to the end up like this, from the moment he met Renjun in that snowstorm—the flushing on his body, muddled thoughts, the sinking feeling of <em>want want want </em>settling on the pit of his stomach.</p><p>Renjun doesn’t look at him and Jaemin watches him from the corridor and feels and trembles. He doesn’t know for how long his body has been shaking, but can’t stop his fingers from twitching, can’t stand proud and tall and meet the situation with a grave face.</p><p>And then Renjun looks at him, phone still in hands, turning his head in his direction, eyes slightly red crinkling up as he smiles gently, croaking out a “Good morning” before breaking out in a yawn.</p><p>Jaemin watches, drinking in his every movement, and he wonders for how long he’ll have this, for how long he’ll be able to stare unashamedly at this boy. His knees threaten to buckle as he wills a greeting to make its way out of his dry throat.</p><p>Maybe he was always meant to fall.</p><p>It certainly feels like that when he’s standing across from Renjun, sharing a simple breakfast and listening to Renjun talk about a dream he had. It blooms inside his chest, filling up his lungs and crawling up his throat, threatening to spill out from his lips, but it’s not suffocating — it’s gentle, and light, and comforting, and everything that Renjun is.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>There are fingers carding through his hair and Jaemin hums with the sensation, opening his eyes to be graced with a blurry vision, so he blinks until he can focus on Renjun’s face in front of him. </p><p>And it’s automatic. He smiles when he sees Renjun’s shiny eyes and bright smile, his fingers running down from his hair to his face, mapping his features with the tip of his fingers, and Jaemin shudders with the touch.</p><p>It’s something that’s been happening more and more lately—waking up by Renjun’s side. Sometimes he’s already awake and Jaemin is blessed with his soft greetings, warm smile; sometimes he isn’t, and Jaemin is the one who can rouse him from sleep, whispering and making him laugh before he can even open his eyes.</p><p>Renjun used to sleep on the couch, but now there are days where Jaemin beckons him forward with a movement of his hand before Renjun can even completely step out of the bathroom, and Renjun just comes and burrows himself under the blankets, body molding itself against Jaemin’s form, sighing in contempt.</p><p>There are days where Jaemin knows he went to bed alone, but he wakes in the middle of the night and Renjun is there, stealing his pillow and snoring slightly, arms around his waist and holding him tight against his chest.</p><p>A sigh comes out of him before he can realize it, and Jaemin leans more on Renjun’s touch against his cheek, his breath grazing the boy’s palm. Renjun looks at him with so much warmth and intensity that Jaemin squirms, but he noses into Renjun’s hand and drops a little kiss on his palm. <em> Good morning</em>, it says, <em> I hope you slept well. </em></p><p>And Renjun hums a little, caresses his cheek just a bit more before he taps at the tip of his nose and lets his hands slide down, palm down over his sternum, his touch warm and grounding, feeling his heartbeat speed up.</p><p>“Hi.”</p><p>It tickles him when Renjun moves to rest his head on the crook of his neck, his hair all messy and making his skin itch when it pokes under his jaw, but Renjun brushes his lips against his neck and Jaemin sighs again. <em> I did, </em> the first kiss says. <em> Jaemin</em>, the fourth kiss states. <em> Kiss me</em>, the seventh brushing of his lips pleads.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>It’s Jeno who finally asks.</p><p>Jaemin comes to the conclusion that he doesn’t have the heart to find out about the truth alone, so he entails the help of his best friend.</p><p>Jeno and Renjun are officially meeting for the first time, even though Jeno had been playing the role of a detective trying to find out everything he could about Renjun, but Jaemin was afraid of letting both of his worlds meet. </p><p>“Hi!” Renjun exclaims when he walks inside the dorm, finding Jeno and Jaemin sitting on the couch, a documentary about pandas playing on the TV. “I’m Renjun! Are you the Jeno that Jaemin keeps talking about?” He asks with no hesitation, a big grin on his face.</p><p>Jeno stumbles on his words a little, but he nods and introduces himself. Jaemin can see in first hand the Renjun-effect happening over Jeno — the way you can’t help but smile when talking with Renjun, the long eye-contact. Renjun is too captivating for his own good, too hypnotizing.</p><p>“Ah! It’s the one about pandas! I really wanted to see this one…” Renjun says when he catches a glimpse of the TV, turning to face Jaemin and smiling wide. “I can’t wait to meet them with you later!”</p><p>Jeno sends him a look over Renjun’s shoulder, an eyebrow raised and Jaemin flushes a little with Renjun’s warm gaze, but it’s incapable of avoiding it, “Y-yeah,” he stutters. “It’s gonna be great.”</p><p>“Jaemin said we’re going to the zoo later this week,” Renjun says towards Jeno, even though no one had asked him. He sits down on the end of the couch, letting Jaemin stay in the middle, his eyes already moving to the TV screen. “And that there we can meet a lot of different animals.”</p><p>“Oh, you never went to one before?” Jeno asks smoothly, trying to catch Jaemin’s gaze and widening his eyes, tilting his head in Renjun’s direction. Jaemin shakes his head.</p><p>“Ah, no,” Renjun answers, too distracted by the scene of a panda rolling over a pile of leaves on the floor, his eyes wide. “It’ll be my first time.”</p><p>“Oh… And where is your home?”</p><p>“Hmmm…?” Renjun makes an inquisitive noise, but then he laughs and tugs Jaemin’s arm. “Look! He just fell. Oh. <em> Cute</em>.”</p><p>Jeno elbows Jaemin’s side and he almost jumps in surprise, barely catching himself in the last second. He sends a pleading gaze to his friend and Jeno sighs deeply, rolling his eyes and nudging him harshly on the arm with his finger.</p><p>“Renjun,” Jeno says. His tone is firm and lacks the kind tone of earlier, immediately dragging Renjun’s attention to him, away from a cuddly family of pandas. Jaemin can feel Renjun’s body tensing against his and he worries his bottom lip. He wants to avoid this for as long as possible, but can also feel that, if that happened, it’s a discussion that would always be looming behind them.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Jeno asks simply. He doesn’t sound mad or aggressive, just slightly agitated and confused. He looks intensely at Renjun, reading all his movements, but Jaemin can’t bring himself to do that and he keeps looking at the little panda sleeping on the TV.</p><p>“Now?”</p><p>“No. Not <em>now</em>,” Jeno sighs in frustration. “Don’t get me wrong, but what are you doing here with Jaem? Why you haven’t left yet? Are you in need of some help?”</p><p>“Ah…” Renjun breathes. Jaemin waits for the confession, for Renjun to say something that will break his heart and then leave his life next. “You didn’t tell him?” Renjun instead asks, turning to face Jaemin. “You can tell him, he’s your friend. I don’t mind.”</p><p>Jaemin splutters, wide-eyed. “M-me? W-what?” He stares at Renjun, looking for some answer he can’t find; instead, the boy seems to want him to hurry and just say something <em>he has no idea what it is. </em> “What?”</p><p>“Huh? Just tell him. You know what it <em> is </em>.”</p><p>“I have <em>no </em>idea. I… I…”</p><p>Renjun frowns, a confused expression crossing his features. “Jaemin…” he says, but his tone is soft and airy. Jaemin kind of wants to cry. “What do you mean with that?”</p><p>“I don’t… I don’t understand?” He replies, extremely lost and worried. Jeno, by his side, holds his forearm and Jaemin is grateful for the touch that grounds him.</p><p>“B-but… You were the one chosen to fetch me. They said I just had to wait in the landing spot for the one who’d house me and… and you <em> showed up </em> and you brought me to <em> your home </em>.”</p><p>There are a million thoughts running through his mind, but Jaemin is mostly sure of one thing: that isn’t true. Nobody had ever told him about Renjun, nor he had seen him before. And there was no landing spot there, just a cold sidewalk and a lot of snow.</p><p>“Renjun,” he says, drawing a sharp intake of breath. “I don’t know what you mean. I… I had just left my last class and… I found you. It was snowing and it was so cold, but you had nothing with you. I couldn’t let you there.”</p><p>In the split of a second, Renjun’s expression changes from confusion to fear. His eyes widen even more, gasping as he stares and stares, eyes flittering between him and Jeno, fingers clutching tight at his knees. “<em>Oh</em>,” he says, sounding so lost that it brought a pang to Jaemin’s chest. “You… You aren’t…?” he starts to ask, but he’s shaking so much that he chokes upon his words and Jaemin can’t handle it anymore, finally leaning forward to hold Renjun’s hand between his.</p><p>Renjun stares at their joined hands, but he doesn’t let them go, and that’s enough at the moment for Jaemin. Renjun isn’t rejecting his touch, he hasn’t run out yet, and they can go through and fix the mess that’s showing up in front of them. Jaemin squeezes his hand and Renjun looks up with the movement; his eyes big and brimming with tears immediately makes Jaemin choke up and tears rush to his own eyes.</p><p>Renjun laughs wetly and shakes his head. For a moment, his eyes pause at somewhere on his side and Jaemin remembers that Jeno’s waiting in silence next to him, momentarily having forgotten about him. “I’m sorry,” he says softly, drawing back his gaze to meet Jaemin’s teary look. “Don’t worry. It was just a miscommunication and I thought that maybe—no. It’s okay, it’s okay.”</p><p>“What’s happening?” Jeno asks.</p><p>“It’s okay,” Renjun repeats. “I trust you, so…”</p><p>Jaemin can feel his heart pounding against his chest, but Renjun is still letting him hold his hand. Renjun looks at him in a way he never did before, his eyes big and drinking in everything he could. Jaemin feels bare, stripped of everything, and left open for him to find whatever he wanted, but Renjun must have decided something, because he breathes in deeply and his eyes flutter shut for a moment before he lifts his head back up, looking intently at Jaemin.</p><p>They’re both trembling so much that Jaemin squeezes Renjun’s hand tight so he doesn’t end up slipping away. Renjun’s already willed his tears away, but Jaemin is so nervous and confused that he feels like he could burst into tears at any moment.</p><p>And then Renjun’s lips curl up a little at the corners, a soft smile blossoming on his face and he looks at Jaemin with something that makes him stand a little tall, though still shaky.</p><p>Jaemin almost feels like he’s ready to hear whatever Renjun wanted to say, but the words still catch him by surprise and knock the wind out of him, and Renjun laughs a little wetly again, voice light.</p><p>“Do you believe in aliens?” He says, and Jaemin’s world turns upside down, but they’re still holding hands and Renjun doesn’t look afraid anymore, so he waits and listens.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaemin walks inside his dorm room with an easy heart, though he’s shivering from the cold outside and his ears are half-frozen.</p><p>There’s no one inside. The lights are all off and he needs to hurry to turn up the heating, but he doesn’t worry. Before, the sight of his empty place would make his anxiety bubble up to the surface, wondering where Renjun was, if he was okay, if he would come back.</p><p>He doesn’t think about that anymore.</p><p>He’s feeling good that night, so he starts to cook something for later, unlocking his phone every two minutes to check on the recipe his mother had texted him. It won’t taste as good as his mother’s cooking does, but Jaemin wants to show Renjun a taste of his childhood, to help him try new things.</p><p>It’s something they’ve been doing a lot lately, whenever he can find some free time — discovering new places, adventuring outside of campus. It baffles Jaemin how he lived his entire life in that city but it seems like he knows nothing about it, sharing with Renjun the same wide-eyed look as they explore the streets.</p><p>Sometimes it’s the middle of the night, the artificial stars shining above them, and they’re sitting down in front of a 24-hour convenience store, sharing a fuming bowl of noodles and a bottle of alcohol between them. Sometimes it’s the afternoon and the streets are buzzing with people because it’s the weekend, and they wander through the crowded streets until Renjun tugs on their entwined hands and they leave to settle next to the river, finding cover from the sun under a tree.</p><p>It feels exhilarating, almost breathtaking, to be able to spend time with Renjun like this, open and bare, with no secrets between them.</p><p>Sitting against the tree with his legs folded and the knees tucked under his chin, Jaemin watches him, watches Renjun talk about something, but he can only hear his own heart beating in his eardrums, drowning everything else away and he thinks, <em> How lucky am I to see him like this? How lucky am I to be able to just lean and touch him because he lets me? </em></p><p>And because he can, and because Renjun allows him to, Jaemin places his head on Renjun’s shoulder, breathing deeply.</p><p>Renjun doesn’t stop talking, doesn’t do a thing to indicate that something had happened besides enlacing their fingers together. And he squeezes their hands and Jaemin feels that fluttering feeling inside his chest, the one that doesn’t seem to ever leave him when it’s about Renjun.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Whatever earth-shattering changes Jaemin expected to happen, having to learn how to research obscure topics on Google wasn’t any of them.</p><p>It’s ingrained in his nature to help others, so Jaemin tries his best to help answer Renjun’s questions about how things worked and are the way they are. Yes, clouds aren’t blue but that’s how most people color them. No, he didn’t know that some prehistoric penguins could be as tall as a human.</p><p>Jaemin teaches him how to get on a bus and how to check an online map so he can find places he wants to visit and how to get there. He teaches Renjun how to spare some of his food for the stray dogs that live on campus, and that it’s okay if you don’t get to pet them, it doesn’t mean they hate you.</p><p>He teaches Renjun that friendship isn’t like the movies they watch, that you don’t need to be by each other’s side all the time. They go on coffee dates with Jeno and Donghyuck and laugh until their stomachs hurt, and Jaemin says that sometimes you spend weeks until you can meet each other again, but it’s okay. The feelings they have won’t disappear because of the distance.</p><p>He teaches about the ordinary things in their lives — how to make a good cup of coffee, how to not forget to close the window when it looks like it’s going to rain, how to be kind and patient, how to not forget to reach out to the people you care about.</p><p>There’s a Renjun-shaped hole in his essence that can’t be filled with anything else but him. And though there’s no problem when they’re together, Jaemin can feel the aching start whenever he thinks about the future.</p><p>He isn’t selfish. He wants to stay next to Renjun, but he knows it doesn’t depend on him.</p><p>Renjun had shared that he has a mission and they’re on a countdown, each new morning being one less day together. Jaemin wants him to stay but he doesn’t ask. He knows he can’t do a thing about the situation, so he tries to make the most out of it and fill Renjun’s days with new things to do and learn so he’ll leave with good memories.</p><p>Jaemin doesn’t want to ponder on the heartbreak before it arrives.</p><p>Though he isn’t exactly sure about what Renjun needs to know — needs to find out about the Earth and its inhabitants —, Jaemin tries to teach a bit of everything. Renjun has only shared a little with him and Jaemin won’t meddle into something he <em>definitely </em>shouldn’t.</p><p>So he teaches about the earth, and they watch documentaries together, and Jaemin teaches that some friends you might greet just with a handshake, a quick nod; but, others, you might greet with a big hug and overflowing affection. Teaches that sometimes it’s hard to be kind but you don’t need to put a front. It’s okay to take some time for yourself.</p><p>He teaches about love and that it doesn’t always end up happy, but just because of that it doesn’t mean you should avoid it. Renjun is a natural at that—being loved and loving. He whispers into Jaemin’s ear that, maybe, he had been practicing his entire life for this moment. Jaemin doesn’t understand it very well, but he thinks it might mean something good.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaemin meets Jeno in the middle of the hallway, going between one class to another.</p><p>“Hey, Jaem!” He says brightly, eyes crinkling up in an easy smile. “I’m glad I found you! I need to give this book to Renjun but, like, I have no time to go and drop it in your dorm. Can you pass it for him?”</p><p>Jeno’s already searching inside his bag for the book before Jaemin can even utter an answer, but he still says, “Sure. Is it one about whales? He’s going through a phase right now—I think we’ve watched at least four docs about them.”</p><p>“Ah, no… It’s kinda about physics…? It’s an intermediate level book and there are no copies left at the library. We were talking about my major a few weeks ago but I totally forgot I was supposed to lend him this book until I found it today under my bed.”</p><p>Jaemin blinks in surprise but says an “Oh”, and then shrugs his shoulders. “Okay. I’ll make sure to give it to him.”</p><p>“Ah, thanks. Tell him I’m sorry I took so long, I <em> really </em> forgot about it…” Jeno says sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck.</p><p>“It’s okay, don’t worry about it.”</p><p>Jeno thanks him again and leaves quickly while Jaemin’s putting the book away in his backpack.</p><p>It’s kind of fascinating how far they all had come in such little time. After everything, after all the revelations, Jeno and Renjun had really hit it off, and, naturally, Renjun started to hang out more with them and even with Donghyuck, Jeno’s roommate. Jeno had even told him how he had turned into a kind of detective for a while, which Renjun found it all very amusing.</p><p>When you brushed aside the fact that aliens were real and Renjun was one—which Jaemin was still trying to wrap his mind around it—, he was just another boy who was impossible not to like.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>There’s nothing different in his routine to make him feel like this, but Jaemin just can’t shake the feelings away. It seems like it’s there, hanging in the air around him all the time, a constant reminder of <em>something something something </em>he can’t discern.</p><p>Renjun asks him what’s wrong, his eyes big and worry written all over his face, but all Jaemin can do is just sigh, frustrated, and say “I don’t know”. There’s no reason to be feeling this way, but he still does.</p><p>It bothers him too much and he hates how the days pass but he’s always on the edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something to make sense. And though he tries to rake his brain and remember if he forgot something, the feeling persists and there’s nothing to soothe the itch under his skin.</p><p>It’s there and it’s present and it tries to send him a message that he doesn’t understand.</p><p>Realization hits him in the worst possible moment. Renjun gets off of him to lay down by his side, tugging a blanket over his nude body, and he’s smiling, still all glowing and dazed, but he looks at Jaemin in the eye and Jaemin just <em>knows</em>, a heavy sinking feeling installing on the pit of his stomach.</p><p>Renjun is smiling softly and he lifts his hand to brush the hair on Jaemin’s forehead away and his eyes are drinking him in completely—and Jaemin knows because that’s how he looks at him when trying to capture Renjun inside his brain, just so he could preserve his memory forever.</p><p>“Don’t cry,” Renjun whispers, fingertips brushing away the tears that Jaemin didn’t even realize he’d been shedding. “Please, don’t cry.”</p><p>Jaemin wants to do everything Renjun wants, will tear himself apart if that’s what he wants him to do, but he’s impossible to stop the tears from escaping, can’t hold back the aching inside his chest. It’s there, always been there, and now it’s been unleashed.</p><p>“I don’t want you to be sad,” Renjun says, his bottom lip wobbling but he doesn’t shed a tear. His touch is warm, ever gentle, and Jaemin wants to commit it to memory, wants to be able to close his eyes and feel his touch even when he’s not there anymore.</p><p>Renjun doesn’t need to say anything. They both know what’s coming, what’s always been there looming on the horizon.</p><p>It would have to happen someday.</p><p>“Is it forever?” Jaemin struggles to let out, after his tears had run dry. Renjun doesn’t let go of him even when he tries to include Jaemin under the blanket, wiggling to make enough room and not fall off the bed. “Are you leaving forever?”</p><p>Renjun worries his bottom lip. “I don’t know,” he sighs. “I don’t know.”</p><p>And it’s even worse.</p><p>A “no” means that there’s no other way and Jaemin will break, but he’ll be able to recover in the future, with enough time. An “I don’t know” lets him create hope and cling to something that there’s no sense of certainty, forever trapped in a loop of “maybe” and “what if”. He hates it and loves it all the same, wants a definite end and wants the hope of having Renjun back.</p><p>There are a lot of things that Jaemin wants to say, but nothing seems to make it out of his throat. He hopes that Renjun can read it from his eyes, from the way he holds him tight. <em> Please, stay</em>, he wants to beg but knows he has no right to say it. <em> Please, come back. Please. </em> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>It’s at the end of spring when Renjun corners him against the counter, fingers twitching at the hem of his oversized hoodie. Jaemin puts down the knife on the cutting board and waits, the only noise in the room being the bubbling of the pan on the stove.</p><p>“I don’t know when,” Renjun says, with a weak voice that is so uncharacteristically of him. “But it’s soon. Maybe tomorrow, maybe the next day. But it’s soon.”</p><p>Jaemin is glad he put the knife down or he’d have dropped it by now. His heart beats so fast that he wonders if Renjun is able to hear it.</p><p>“H-how do you know?” He manages to wheeze out, clearing out his throat.</p><p>“I can feel it.”</p><p>Renjun offers no other explanation and Jaemin doesn’t ask. It’s not his place. Instead, he looks at the bubbling pan, presses his lips together while deep in thought, and turns the stove off.</p><p>There’s nothing he can say that can express the anguish and sorrow he feels, nothing he can do that will change how things are. He doesn’t want to cry, doesn’t want to taint his last moments with Renjun with just his sadness, but Jaemin finds it’s impossible to hold back the tears despite as much as he fights to.</p><p>The stinging in his eyes only increase when Renjun hugs him, laying his chin over his shoulder, fingers digging deep on his hips. And Jaemin tries to breathe deeply, tries to calm his frenzied heart, but it’s hard when there’s a sob stuck on his throat and he’s trembling all over.</p><p>He never finishes making the food and the night is all a blur. Jaemin is too afraid of looking at Renjun and seeing him disappear before his eyes, but he also doesn’t want to look away.</p><p>He wants to imprint every curve of Renjun’s body in his mind, wants to ensnare him inside his arms and not allow him to leave. He shakes and shakes, and there are tears brimming in his eyes, Jaemin not being able to pronounce any other word besides <em> Renjun</em>, whispering, begging, moaning, pleading. Renjun is all that he can taste over his tongue and Jaemin drinks him in completely. <em> Please, </em> he wants to say. <em> Please</em>. But he doesn’t.</p><p>He wakes up feeling cold in a small bed that feels too big. There’s no other sound besides his heavy breathing, no smell of something being cooked on the stove, no warm sheets next to him. Renjun arrived with nothing but the clothes on his body, so he didn’t leave anything behind for him.</p><p>Jaemin turns to face the other side of the bed and cries.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jeno texts him constantly and makes sure to bring him over to new cafés, new restaurants, whatever he finds online. Never before they have gone out that much.</p><p>Jaemin is glad for his presence and comfort. He knows how much Jeno stays away from social media and how he, sometimes, gets so involved in his studies that he forgets all about the world around him.</p><p>But these last few days there’s always a new message, a missed call, a meme that Jeno tagged him in. And Jaemin is thankful. So, so grateful for having a friend like this by his side. Because, if it wasn’t for Jeno, he knows how easy it would be to fall for the temptation of staying inside his room, wallowing in his own heartache.</p><p>It’s hard and it hurts. There’s an obvious missing presence inside his dorm—he makes too much food, he doesn’t need to go grocery shopping as much, the sheets are always cold. It’s a shock to see how intertwined in his life Renjun had been.</p><p>But Jaemin tries to power through. It’s easier during the day because he still needs to attend classes and can’t let his grades drop, so he makes sure to walk through the campus instead of going back to his room. He even started to find some solace inside the library, between the many crowded shelves, hidden from the other student’s eyes; and sometimes he goes in search of Jeno, even though his classes are in a building on the other side of campus.</p><p>He tries to tire himself through the day so, when he gets back to his room at night, he won’t spend too much time awake and can just fall exhausted in bed, succumbing to an easy sleep. </p><p>But they rarely come.</p><p>Sometimes it feels like Renjun was just a fever dream. If it wasn’t for Jeno or a few things, Jaemin might have considered hallucinating everything. And though Jeno avoids talking about Renjun or anything related to him, there are too many things around Jaemin to constantly remind him of Renjun.</p><p>His keys are still left on the TV stand, the starry keychain waiting for its owner to retrieve it. Every time Jaemin sits on the couch, the metal glints and reminds him how far away Renjun is; maybe he’s amongst the stars, maybe he’s somewhere his mind can’t understand the concept of, and all that he has left is a keychain that one day will rust and vanish.</p><p>Jaemin drags a chair and places it in front of the window, just like Renjun liked to do. Some days he can sit there for hours, and he thinks, and wonders, and dreams about a meeting he isn’t sure it’ll ever happen. But other days he can’t even look at the sky—it might be cloudy, dark and with no stars, but Jaemin can only think about how Renjun is somewhere out there.</p><p>He wonders if, wherever Renjun is, he can see the Earth. Can see the stars. If he thinks about him, about them. If he also can’t pretend that nothing’s falling apart when all he wants is to crawl back to bed and don’t leave for a while.</p><p>The stars blink at him from up there and Jaemin bites back a sob—they’re not even real. You can’t see the stars in the city. There’s a possibility that they’re not even sharing the same view from the sky, seeing different constellations when you look up, and that Renjun is somewhere far, far away.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>The summer slowly turns into autumn and Jaemin gets to use coats once again when going outside. Though he dreads for the coming of winter, time doesn’t stop just because of his wishes, every passing day turning colder and colder.</p><p>“Let’s try that new place tonight! First one there wins!” Jeno yells as he surpasses him on his bike, making a close curve and disappearing around the corner.</p><p>Jaemin sighs but pedals harder, trying to catch up with Jeno and overtake him once again.</p><p>That’s something they’ve been doing a lot more lately — late night bike dates. Jaemin has tried a lot of new things in the past weeks, in the hope of having a new hobby to help him take his mind out of things, but most of them were hopeless.</p><p>Jeno’s been a helpful constant in his adventurous journey and even let Jaemin tag along with him on his morning jogs, but Jaemin quickly found out he had no energy to wake up early to just <em>run</em>. </p><p>Biking came as a surprise, but he found out that he enjoyed it a lot more than he thought he would. Jeno was glad for the company and was trying to make Donghyuck also join them. It was a work in progress.</p><p>Jaemin manages to surpass Jeno not too long after, but Jeno speeds up and arrives in front of the convenience store just seconds before Jaemin.</p><p>They sit in one of the plastic tables in front of the store, digging in their food without hesitation. Though the moon is high on the sky and there are no clouds, the wind is cold even after some exercise, and Jaemin thinks that it won’t be long until they won’t be able to keep biking without a jacket.</p><p>Jeno seems to be thinking the same thing, because he moves his chopsticks around when he says, “Hyuck said he might join us next week but, like, he’s been saying the same thing for <em>months </em>and he hates exercising when it’s cold. So I don’t think it’s <em> really </em>going to happen.”</p><p>“Yeah, I think you can give up on your dream. If he didn’t accept weeks ago, I don’t think he’s going to now. Today isn’t that bad, but last week was <em> freezing </em>.”</p><p>Jeno nods his head and sets down his bowl. “Maybe one day,” he says wistfully.</p><p>Jaemin smiles softly but doesn’t say anything.</p><p>Though it looks like it’s a little late, there’s a lot of movement on the street and many children running around playing. Jaemin pulls off his phone from his cycling attire and checks the hour, but it’s a lot earlier than what he expected.</p><p>“You haven’t changed it yet?” Jeno asks suddenly.</p><p>Jaemin’s head snaps up and he shots him a confused look. “Huh?”</p><p>“Your phone—the picture,” Jeno points out, a frown slowly appearing on his face.</p><p>“Wh—<em>ah </em>.”</p><p>His lockscreen. Jaemin spares a glance to Renjun’s face squished next to his before the screen turns black.</p><p>Jeno looks at him with pity in his eyes, but Jaemin tries to shrug it off. “Yeah,” he says easily, as if talking about the weather. “It feels wrong to change it.”</p><p>“Oh, Jaem…” Jeno mutters. He lifts his bottle and takes a swig of it.</p><p>There’s nothing he can say, so Jaemin stays quiet and ignores the impulse of unlocking his phone just to see the picture again, his chest heavy. Time may pass, and the seasons may change, but it doesn’t seem to get any easier.</p><p>He tries not to bother Jeno too much these days, especially with winter just around the corner. Jeno already went through too much with comforting him at random moments, wiping his tears away and accepting his calls in the middle of the night. He has been a lot happier lately with Jaemin’s improvement, and Jaemin doesn’t have the heart to break it up to him.</p><p>“Sometimes it feels like it wasn’t real,” Jeno suddenly says. “Like everything was a dream. You just showed up once and told me a random guy was at your place and then, in the next second, you’re whipped as fuck for him.”</p><p>Jaemin looks down and fiddles with his own bottle, a bittersweet smile tugging at the corner of his lips.</p><p>“And then he just never went away?!” Jeno says in disbelief, breaking off in a short laugh. “God, Jaem. I was so worried about you. But then I see him and I understand what you said about him not being dangerous. He just couldn’t be, right?”</p><p>“...Yeah.”</p><p>“I still don’t know how I just accepted it,” Jeno continues to say. “I didn’t even believe in aliens. But he just had to say it and I was like—yeah, sure, why not?—and like, I thought later, why am I accepting this? This guy could just be crazy and be inventing some story, but I don’t know… It just felt so honest and then…”</p><p>Jaemin clears his throat and lifts his bottle as Jeno trails off until he stops.</p><p>“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”</p><p>Jaemin meets Jeno’s eyes and shakes his head. “It’s okay, Jen. It’s not like I’m ignoring his existence—I mean, he’s my lockscreen. I see his face every day.”</p><p>“I just don’t want to make things harder for you,” Jeno says, frowning slightly.</p><p>“It’s okay,” Jaemin repeats. He finishes his bottle and sets it down on the table. “It’s okay. I’m making this harder for myself, anyway.”</p><p>There’s a beat of silence and Jeno leans forward, but then gets back. He seems to hesitate on his next movements but Jaemin knows what he wants to know, what’s been on the tip of his tongue for weeks.</p><p>“It’s alright, you can just ask.”</p><p>“Are you not going to try to get over him?” He blurts out.</p><p>Jaemin’s hand under the table grips his own knee tight to the point of discomfort and he blinks quickly, talking before Jeno can apologize and end the conversation, “I don’t want to,” he confesses. “I don’t want to let him go. But…”</p><p><em> But. </em> It’s always there, the uncertainty. A fifty percent possibility.</p><p>“I want to have hope, but I don’t want to waste my life waiting for something that will never come.” Jaemin’s voice is low and he struggles to let the words out, fiddling with the bottle on the table. “I don’t know, Jen. I don’t know how or even if I want <em> to </em>.”</p><p>Jeno presses his lips together in a tight line before he inhales sharply, “I say this as someone who cares about you, Jaem, but… You can’t keep clinging to him like this… It’s been<em> months </em>.”</p><p><em> He never said when he’d come back or how long it’d take</em>, Jaemin wants to say. <em> He can arrive tomorrow or even next week. </em></p><p>But he understands what Jeno’s trying to say. He does. And he’s afraid of taking that next step, of making the decision to let him go.</p><p>“I… I know, Jen… It’s just…”</p><p>Jaemin pauses and runs a hand through his hair. He wants to see what time it is so they can end this conversation, but the picture will haunt him even more, so he lifts his gaze upwards to the night sky and sighs deeply, shoulders sagging down.</p><p>“God,” he says instead. “What a mess am I, right?”</p><p>He tries to smile but it falls quickly from his face. Jeno pats his hand and takes the bottle away from his tight grip, and Jaemin just lets him. He’s tired and has been like this for months now, but the end of summer just made it all worse. The longing inside his body just settles and grows with time and he knows he needs to make a decision.</p><p>The moon is shining bright above them and Jaemin almost feels like it’s mocking him, hiding from him the answer he so much craves.</p><p>
  <em> Will he come back? </em>
</p><p>There’s no reason for pleading to a far-away star; they never answer back or give a sign. They’re just taking and taking and taking. There’s no secret word, no ancient tongue, that can solve their mysteries.</p><p>
  <em> Will he ever come back? </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>It’s just another night like all the others.</p><p>Jaemin had already changed into his pajamas and was finishing tidying up things around his dorm, just so he could finally go to bed and try to sleep when someone starts knocking on his door.</p><p>His first thought is that it’s Jeno. Or maybe Donghyuck. But none of them had messaged or called him on his phone like they always do before they come to his place.</p><p>But there’s nothing too weird about it — there’s always a random drunk student who can’t recall where their room is, bothering the entire floor until someone takes care of the situation.</p><p>He pads away to the door, slightly disgruntled that his night routine has been interrupted, but freezes in place after he unlocks the door and pulls it open.</p><p>Jaemin blinks. And then blinks once again. It does nothing to change Renjun’s figure standing in front of him, looking slightly worried. He briefly wonders if he should pinch himself, make sure he’s awake, but then—</p><p>“I forgot the keys,” Renjun says, voice soft and mellow like it had always been. “I hope you don’t mind?”</p><p>The sound of his voice feels like a direct punch in his chest and Jaemin grips the door tightly, knuckles white against the dark wood, his only source of stability at the moment. He wheezes pitifully, trying to say something, but nothing seems to pass his dry throat.</p><p>Renjun worries his bottom lip and shuffles a little, but he waits for Jaemin, looking intently at him, the corner of his lips curling up in a small smile.</p><p>Jaemin isn’t sure he isn’t hallucinating. It wouldn’t be the first time he dreams vividly about Renjun coming back only to wake up in his own bed. Maybe nothing’s real. Maybe it’s all just another dream from his exhaustion.</p><p>“It’s not,” Renjun says, his small smile blossoming into something a little bigger. “I’m really here, Jaem.”</p><p>Jaemin splutters, eyes widening even more. “Y-you read minds...?” He blurts out.</p><p>Renjun shakes his head vehemently, breaking off in a giggle. “What…? No! You’re just speaking out loud.”</p><p>His voice sounds a little rougher at the edges, curling around the words in a way that speaks of disuse and unfamiliarity. And Jaemin blinks and tries to breathe deeply and wrap his mind around the situation, but nothing seems to make sense.</p><p>“I… I…”</p><p>Renjun blinks up at him, nose scrunching up a little. “Can I enter?”</p><p>The door barely closes before Jaemin finally seems to remember how to move his body, regaining the use of his members once more. In a second, he’s leaning down and Renjun is the one who holds his trembling form against his chest; Jaemin with his back bowed and face pressed to Renjun’s chest, clutching his waist tightly, mouth in a tight line.</p><p>“Oh, Jaem…” Renjun breathes out above him, and Jaemin feels the little puffs of air against his skin. He can’t hold back his sobs anymore and digs his fingers deeper. If he lets him go, he’s sure that Renjun will just vanish away.</p><p>Somehow, Renjun manages to waddle their form to the couch and he holds Jaemin until he stops shaking, whispering in his ear things that Jaemin can’t remember.</p><p><em> Renjun. Renjun. Renjun</em>. He’s all that Jaemin can see, all that Jaemin can feel under his fingertips, and he wants nothing more at that moment than to drown inside him and never leave. <em> He’s here</em>, he tries to remind himself, tries to make the situation real, but it doesn’t matter that he can feel Renjun’s touch on his body and he can taste Renjun on his tongue, it hasn’t sunk in yet.</p><p>And Renjun keeps holding him until the sun starts to rise, his grip never wavering. Jaemin doesn’t know if he sleeps that night, his head resting over Renjun’s chest, lulled into some kind of comfort by his heartbeat, his gentle touch.</p><p>Renjun maneuvers them into another position, trying to find something a little more comfortable, and Jaemin uses that opportunity to look up at him, wondering how to voice his thoughts.</p><p>“A-are you…?” He tries to say the words, but they don’t seem to want to come out in the way he wants.</p><p>But Renjun seems to understand what he means and shakes his head with a soft smile, running a finger down his cheek, making Jaemin shiver. “No. I’m not going back,” he says. His eyes are shining with unshed tears, but he never loses the smile.</p><p>There’s a lot for them to talk about later, lots of things to explain and make it clear. But that’s enough for the moment, it’s enough to soothe a little of Jaemin’s heart and let hope settle inside him, blooming effortlessly.</p><p><em> This is not a dream</em>, he reminders himself, again and again, holding Renjun tight and feeling him reciprocate the gesture, the feeling of something wet falling upon his skin. <em> It’s real and it’s happening. This is not a dream</em>.</p><p>“Okay,” Jaemin whispers. He lifts his head to kiss Renjun’s tears away. “Okay.”</p><p>Renjun laughs wetly but lets him. Jaemin is torn between wanting to gaze continuously at him or just smash his face against Renjun’s chest once again and relax on his embrace. And Renjun chuckles a little at his visible struggle, running one hand through his hair.</p><p>“It’s okay, Jaeminnie,” he says. “We have all the time now. You don’t need to worry.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>stay safe everyone &lt;3<br/>find me on <a href="https://twitter.com/pinkhrj">twt</a> | <a href="https://curiouscat.me/rensungie">ccat</a> &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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